No two weddings are the same and this is also true
for the person who is conducting the ceremony,
whether it is a vicar in a church, a priest or a
registrar at a civil ceremony. Following are some
questions and possible answers to consider which you
should be able to adapt to suit your own list of
questions to suit the service you want.
Choices you will have to make will include what
wedding date to choose, how you want to get married,
who is involved in your ceremony, the type of music
you are planning and what you can do to save money
for wedding. Once you have an idea of these
decisions, you can discuss this with the person who
is going to marry you!
The questions below ar relevant when meeting this
person, some may not apply to you but its based on
our years of experience working with couples. The
ceremony should be a memorable, relaxing and
• Will there be music as guests are arriving (30mins
• Will they be present and marrying you on the day?
• What tune will be used for the bridal entrance
(will there be an organist, ask them if you can
listen to any tunes (maybe provide you a cd of a
selection that you feel comfortable walking into) or
maybe choose your own
• If you choose your own, are they happy to accept a
cd from you
• consider time for readings (i.e it is nice to have
someone preselected in your guests who will be there
to read out a reading (or 2)
• let the priest know the order of walking in
(youngest bridesmaids first, (when I meet you at the
abbey maybe we can have a quick rehearsal if you
•the signing of the ceremony will take around
15mins, confirm with the priest at what point the
photographer can take photos (usually when the
actual book signing occurs) but some venues may have
• Ask them dos and dont's from a photo/video
perspective (i.e location, movement, access)
•At the end of the service, will we be able to use
the church grounds to take photos? You must take
into consideration that there may be another wedding
taking place not long after your own so other guests
will be arriving and if it is a small church then
the grounds could get rather crowded.
•Are video recorders and cameras allowed in the
church? Most churches allow recordings of the
ceremony to take place but some only allow the video
recordings and not cameras. The couple can discuss
where their cameraman will be able to gain access to
and where they would have to stand during the
service. (Note: some charges may be made for
recording, always check).
•Are you allowed to throw confetti? Some churches
only allow this outside of the church building and
not inside as it does leave a mess. Some also
request that you use bird seed or rice or some other
form of natural product.
•Can we advertise our wedding? In the Catholic
church a couple due to be married will have a
Nuptial Mass but for a Christian service, a couple
may have 'banns' read out during services in the
lead up to their wedding day. Some churches may even
have local pamphlets they produce a small
newsletters where a couple can add their up coming
•Can we choose our hymns and readings? In most
churches this is possible but you would need to
discuss how many you would like and whether the
church has a standard reading that they like to have
for every wedding. It would be respectful to discuss
the topic for each reading with the clergyman
•Can we get married in a church if we have been
•Can we pick our own music? It might be that the
couple will not want the traditional bridemarch by
Wagner as the bride walks down the aisle and may
wish to opt for something a little more modern so
this is an important discussion.
•Can we still get married in our local church even
if we are not church goers or follow a religion?
•Do we have to decorate the church? This is not
necessary and should only be done if the couple can
afford to do so. If you are unable to afford flowers
for the church, perhaps you could look into the idea
of getting married on a day when you know the church
might already be decorated, for instance over the
•Does our wedding need to be at the Church? If you
are a certain religion then for the majority of
people this would be yes, your wedding should take
place in a church. The Catholics in particular feel
that when a wedding is taking place, it is not just
about the family but the church as a group.
•Does the couple need to be over a certain age to
get married in the church?
•How long will the rehearsal and service take?
•How much does it cost? Each church will vary with
regards to its fee as there may be costs involved
for a choir or an organist or even bell ringers.
•How much input into the service will we have? Some
couples like to write their own vows as well as
having some say about the words of the service.
Don't forget to ask if the service includes the
kissing the bride section at the end.
•If needed, is it possible to have the marriage
annulled? An annulment is something that would need
a great deal of investigation to confirm that it
would be valid but hopefully this is something that
a couple will not need to worry about.
•If we decorate the church with flowers ourselves
can we keep them? It might be nice to have the
flowers taken to the reception after the service.
•If we do not get married in the church, will our
marriage be recognised? It is possible for a local
cleric to give permission for one of his
congregation to be married elsewhere but this is
something that the couple should look into further
as there may only be specific reasons that will
•Is it possible to have a church service after being
married abroad first?
•What do you need to provide the Church with? Check
if you need to take along your birth certificates
•What if we are different religions? You will need
to check if different religions are able to get
married in the same church as some religions will
require special permission to do so.
•Will we have to attend church before our big day?
For most churches yes you will, it is only fair that
the church sees some form of commitment from you
when they have agreed that you will be married
within their walls. In the Catholic unit, some
couples are required to attend a marriage programme
that is designed to help them with any preparations
they will need for their future marriage together.
Your special day only happens once!, make the most
of it and ensure your guests have a